What is success, what is failure??

I have now been a foster parent for over 2 years, and had 10 children over a period of 1 year, 9 months.  I have 2 children who are currently in my care, 2 children who went to live permanently with their biological fathers (the mother's rights were terminated), and 6 children who went into kinship placement (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc).  The 2 children I have in my home right now (6 mo old boy, 2 yr old girl) have been in my home for almost 6 months.  The state has changed the plan from reunification with the parents to termination of BOTH parents' rights.  AND, there is no one in the family the state considers suitable for placement.  So, the children will be available for adoption soon.

The question I ask myself with every placement is.....what outcome would be considered a success?!?! My dream is to have parents use this removal as a wake up call! To do everything they need to do, get their lives in order, and earn their children back.  But, when this happens, what is the success rate?? Will the children end up back in care?? What chance can these parents have, when obviously their entire family is considered unsuitable?

So, how do I judge success? How do I know if what I am doing is really making a difference in the long run? I don't get follow up information on these children, so how do I know that they lived happily ever after?

This is where faith in God comes in. This is where I know He has called me to watch over His children.  This is where I leave them in His hands, and trust that He will give them the strength they need to thrive.  This is where I count on my friends and family to remind me that....as long as I am following in His footsteps, and am in obedience to Him.....it is a success.

To love another's child

As I deal with the emotions of my daughter's (the one I place for adoption) 21st birthday, I am so grateful for her family! She is their daughter, and they love her as their own. Just as my parents love me!

And, how odd that I am now the one who is loving another's child.  While it is not the same, because I only have them short term....while they are in my home they are MINE! I love them as I love my own. My heart breaks for them when I think of all they have gone through. When I hear the stories of how they came into the system. Their bodily injuries. Their emotional pain. As their "mom", I want to take all of their pain away.

The hardest thing to deal with is the anger towards their biological parents. How, I wonder, can anyone do this..or allow this to be done..to their child? Is there any job more important than a parent protecting their children? What goes through their minds as they watch their children being removed from them? As they see them for 1 or 2 hours each week? As they hear their child call me Mommy? (I call myself Ms. Jennifer, but every child has ended up calling me mommy) And yet, not one parent has yet to have their children returned to them.  They have allowed their drugs, their lifestyles to win the battle.  They have chosen this over their children.

The thing I have to pray for most, and often ask others to pray for, is forgiveness for these parents. Patience and understanding.  The strength to support them.  To show them WHY they have to be strong, and fight to win the battle to get their children back.

And, in the mean time.....I love another's child.

Introduction before we share this journey

Have you ever argued with God? I have! And, might I add, I have NEVER won an argument with Him.

My name is Jennifer, Miss Jennifer to my precious foster children. I am 41 years old, I have never been married, and I have no children.

So, you can understand WHY, when I felt God calling me to be a foster parent, I argued with Him for a while.  One day, in the middle of 2008, at the age of 39, I felt God calling me to be a foster parent to children 2 years of age and younger.  I almost made an appointment to visit a psychiatrist, because I just new I was losing my mind. There are SO many more qualified people out there! People who have husbands (I had lost the love of my life 2 years prior), people who had raised children, people who others looked at and said "WOW, she'd make a great mom".  I was none of these things.  I was a single woman with 3 dogs, whose parents live almost 700 miles away.  I enjoyed my free time, liked having extra cash, and loved spending time with my friends almost every night! But, the more I argued these points with Him, the stronger the pull to begin this journey became.

I sat down with the pastor of the Church I was attending, and told him my dilemma.  I FELT like God was calling me to do this.  But, it made no sense at all.  So, maybe it was Satan, trying to lead me astray.  The pastor gave me some very good advice.  He said, if I thought this was something God was calling me to do, start working towards it.  If God didn't want me to do this, He would close the door, and I would have my answer.  Sometimes, God just wants to see if we will be obedient to Him!

And, this, my friends, began the "Journey of a single foster mom".